It has been on the edge of my thought for some time that I believe the framework of self-actualization is much better than the framework of self-fulfillment. Actualization assumes that there is some good I should be striving for, that I am not yet there, and that the shortcomings ought to be overcome in order to be a better person. Fulfillment assumes that my current desires are worthwhile just as they are and that I have a right or an entitlement to their satisfaction.
In so many areas of life, the natural progression is one from complete ineptitude toward mastery. A newborn can’t walk. They can’t even lift their own head. Given time, they observe their parents and siblings, gain strength and dexterity, imitate the movements of those around them, and ultimately begin walking, running, jumping, and practicing all kinds of other motor skills that they couldn’t perform before. The child has grown from a level of mobile ineptitude to a level of mobile expertise.
It’s the same with any skill. The novice musician is really no musician at all, but is a non-musician toying with an instrument they know nearly nothing about. But with time and diligence, they slowly turn into a musician. The novice athlete, even if they have great natural strength and ability, will still be no match for the trained veteran.
Imagine a pianist who has been playing for a few months, who barely knows their scales, who doesn’t know how to read music, and who can’t yet always separate the movements of their right and left hands while playing. This is a perfectly natural place for novice pianists to be. Now, imagine that pianist has the desire to be a concert pianist, to be well known, to be recognized by others as a great musician. If that pianist has a framework of self-actualization, they will think, “There are certain things that make a person a great pianist. I need to do those things. I need to be proficient in those areas. I need to put in the work necessary to actualize the musical potential that exists in me and become that excellent.” However, if that pianist has a framework of self-fulfillment, they may instead think, “Look how much time I have put in already! Look how much better I am than so-and-so! Why am I getting no recognition? Why does nobody realize how great I am?” With an actualization framework, the goal is to become something, to align oneself with a standard of excellence. With a fulfillment framework, the goal is to receive something.
The example above might seem silly at first, but if you’ve ever watched the old seasons of American Idol, you’ve seen people who delusionally believe they deserve a record contract for singing when they can’t sing at all. They have a desire to be known for their voice, a desire to be a celebrity, and they believe their desire should be satisfied even though they haven’t put the work in. They want to receive, they don’t want to become.
I’m afraid I see a lot of this self-fulfillment mindset in areas far less trivial than musicianship or athleticism. We live in a culture that places a very high value on sexual fulfillment but asks very little about the individuals desiring this fulfillment or about the goodness (or badness) of the particular desires themselves. We teach young people to desire status but don’t always teach them how to become a person worthy of status. We desire wealth and believe it is owed to us by those who have more of it than we do, but we don’t often ask whether we are the kinds of people who can handle more wealth than we have.
Actualization necessarily assumes an external standard by which we measure and toward which we aspire. Fulfillment does not necessarily hold to the same assumption. A self-actualization mindset will cause an individual to look at their desires and weigh them according to the external standard, whereas the self-fulfillment mindset can justify any internal desire and seek its satisfaction. If there is an ideal human and the desires I have do not align with that ideal, the actualization mindset will say that I ought not to entertain that desire. If my goal is satisfaction, I can ignore the ideal. Or, worse yet, I can say there is no ideal – and this is indeed what I see many doing today.
In reality, I believe that we intuitively know there is a standard toward which we should aspire. Just as the child strives toward mobility, the pianist strives toward increasingly complex pieces, and the athlete strives toward physical prowess, we intuitively strive for excellence in all kinds of areas of our lives. We value courage over cowardice, and we think it’s wrong of ourselves to take the cowardly route. We value generosity over greed, and we think it wrong of ourselves to choose the greedy action. We value these things even when they are detrimental to the self. Ultimately, we know that the self is not the most important thing. We know that the satisfaction of our own desires can and should be laid down at times, even if our desires are good ones, but particularly when they are bad ones. And we know that our desires are not always good ones.
I think it is important to consciously admit to ourselves that there is an ideal we should be striving toward in every area of life. There is no area that gets a free pass. There is no desire that should be unquestioningly satisfied. And once we’ve admitted that to ourselves, we would do well to teach our young the same.
The remaining question is: What is the ideal toward which I should aspire? What is the external standard? If I am not the ultimate arbiter of goodness, where do I turn for proper judgment on my desires and pursuits?
The answer, of course, is Christ.
The Endeavor 